"Next Time Hire Movers" Men’s Oversized Heavyweight Crewneck T-Shirt

Rust is the only warm colour here, and it belongs entirely to the handle. Everything below it is cold grey concrete, cream lettering and black shadow, so the copper-brown grip with its flecks of blue-green patina reads as the one part of this object a hand was ever meant to touch.

The object is a suitcase made of concrete slabs, drawn in three-quarter view. Half a dozen thin slabs fan out behind the front face like ribs, their edges chipped and pitted, and the handle is bolted through two grey metal loops with a rivet at each end. On the front face a smaller line says “Next time,” and beneath it “hire movers” runs in very tall, condensed serif capitals that slant down to the right with the slab’s perspective. Black drop shadows make the cream letters look cut into the stone, and the final S finishes in a sharp pointed tail.

Under the lettering, four broken blocks step down toward the lower right, a short flight of stairs attached to the luggage.

On the men’s oversized heavyweight crewneck t-shirt the joke lands the way it does halfway up a walk-up stairwell: the bag is the building, and you carried it yourself. It suits anyone who has just moved, is about to, or owes a friend for helping with the sofa.